Rivals Diary

Rivals Diary-July 6, 2011-My innermost thoughts during the greatest show on TV.

I am at my sister’s house without DVR so I will do my best with quotes and accuracies, but I apologize in advance for my imperfections.

9:50 ET- The previews for this week’s episode look juicy as always and I got my weekly pre-show text from my boy Dean saying “Best day of the week!!! Wes v. CT tonight son!” to get me all pumped and ready to get this show on the road.

10:00 ET-It’s game time baby!! Teen Mom is finally over and it’s time for CT’s tactics.

10:01 ET- Something still looks off about T.J. but man do I love him

10:03 ET- Not a good look Mike, especially if Paula is diggin it… And Cara Maria thinks her and Laurel have a complicated relationship… umm no you don’t, Laurel just hates you, its “The Rivals” helloooo?

10:05 ET- Camilla needs a translator… How do you say...Intimacy. Nope, not the word you were looking for, try again…

10:06- First memorable CT quote of the night, OMG hold that thought, make it the first line of memorable CT quotes: “No, not even a little bit, because I will SMOKE you!” “I’ll rip your head off as soon as I get the chance, I don’t care if I lose I’m taking your head with me, I’ll eat your face off!” “You know I’m better than you” “Ya! Lay down, Lay down M*F*” Wes-“He said he was gonna eat me L, He’s a bully” Wes is barking up the wrong tree… As Julia Roberts would say… Big mistake… HUGE. CT is going to “Bend” Wes in half the first chance he gets… man was Dean right in that Pre-show text… FIRST CT BEAST MODE OF THE SEASON AND I LOVE IT!! Mr. Beautiful needs to get his chick in line.

10:13 ET-Sink or Swim time, all the guys are safe so I won’t be crying tonight… Hopefully Jasmine goes home tonight so we don’t have to hear how people do it in Houston anymore. Coordination will come into play for this challenge as the contestants have to jump onto the zip line at the same time… first two sets of girls struggle mightily, but they take the fall and keep swimming… that doesn’t look like the case for Mike.

10:17 ET-Laurel, my favorite girl, DQs for trying to be smart and CT laughs and says “those kids taking some dingaz”

10:18 ET-Leroy lands on Mike… Sorry for my previous comments, that looked like it hurt, but I would not make Youtube Grape Lady noises on national TV no matter what happened to me.  Of course, commercial.

10:22 ET- I’ve been booted from the TV room because my sister and brother in law would rather watch some show on Netflix than the best show of all time.

10:24 ET- Thank you Johnny Bananas for your expert medical opinion about Mike’s condition ending with “At this point anything is possible.”

10:25 ET- The guys’ teams fight and bicker about being scared of the fall, but nobody cares, all we care about is this matchup of epic proportions CT v. Beauty and the Beast!

10:26 ET-Big surprise-CT wins… and they have the best time, but I think Beauty and the Beast got second. And I am beginning to think Evan has lost his championship winning/shady alliance making/back stabbing/Matty P lookalike swagger because he is such a non-factor as it seems in the early going.

10:28 ET-And the girl winners are… Commercial, but nobody cares because Laurel is in the jungle and we already saw CT show why only beating up smaller contestants can get him booted off of a show. He is gonna get some serious Fantasy points in Bill Simmons’ league this week.

10:31 ET-I was playing Hanging with friends with my sister who is in the other room so I missed the Girls winner but I could care less… MIKE IS OKAY! Few… O no he is flirting with Paula… rookie mistake. 

10:34 ET-The alliances form and Paula still miserably tries to set up an easy win for her which would make me think history is going to repeat itself. Votes happen, my fears of Evan’s lack of pull came true as he could not sway the vote and Jasmine lives to play another day… bad decision. Paula is also on my chopping block.

10:36 ET-T.J. is gonna be pissed if these girls quit, but I could care less because that would mean Laurel sticks around to knock off team Jasmine and team Paula… I think Theresa is drunk.

10:40 ET-Mandy is throwing herself at CT and I love it… CT’s reaction “She is out of her mind if she thinks she is going to get a chokehold out of me, it sounds like jail time to me.”  (Do you think he means rape jail or just regular jail?) Wes is so jealous his skin is turning green.  He always loses when it comes to girls, usually to Kenny, but this week it is to CT, in more ways than one.  Mandy is pretty hot so I would be Okay if CT had a threesome with her and some other girl in the house, she isn’t hot enough to get all his attention.

10:41 ET-“All I do is just sit here and win” “Ya, I’m fliring with all the girls, throwing out a little bait, and Mandy took the flirty bait hard and now she’s relentless”-All quotes from here on out will be coming from CT.

10:42 ET-Johnny Bananas is with me… He hopes T.J. rips them a new one… NEWSFLASH-Throwing the Jungle was just a plan by the cute chick Theresa and the non-English speaking Camilla… it was just last year Theresa was rejecting Wes for a chance with Mr. Beautiful only to get shut down by him and run back to Wes… Ah how a year can change things.  P.S. Theresa said she is P.M.S.ing… false alarm on the drunk comment earlier.

10:47 ET-Laurel is ignoring Cara Maria… probably because she sucks and Laurel is getting bored carrying her “little sister” around this challenge.  I Hope she can carry her to victory in the jungle today… I really hope she doesn’t fall for this fake challenge throw Theresa is selling her.

10:48 ET-This show is as rigged as the NBA, it’s a puzzle, with Laurel, because she would literally beat every girl and 75% of the guys at any physical challenge. She better win.

10:50 ET- Its part puzzle part physical, Lauren should be able to handle this if Cara Maria doesn’t completely suck… Bad news, Cara Maria is sucking… it doesn’t look good for team Laurel, if MTV rigs this for Paula to win I may stop watching… but not really.

10:52 ET-During the commercial break I realize this episode is not that great yet I still have over two pages of diary entries… can you tell I’m obsessed?

10:55 ET-Okay Cara Maria says she is not ready to go home (um?)… One side is significantly better but I can’t tell whose it is… TEAM LAUREL WINS!!! Peace out fake quitters… I won’t miss Camilla’s mispronunciations…LOLOL @ Theresa who just said “Ya, Camilla’s mouth gets in the way sometimes” I couldn’t agree more.

10:58 ET-All the guys are still trying to get rid of CT and everyone is scared… EVERYONE EXCEPT EVAN. While I like his cahones, old Evan (Championship Evan) would have never agreed to go in this early and especially not against the best team… He is definitely slipping, but I like his irrational confidence.

11:00 ET-Shows over folks, but next week looks promising with more focus on CT flirting with chicks and fighting for his challenge life. Until then…